I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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