I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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