A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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