I am full of burrito and curiosity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
