Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize