Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
