she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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