He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.