the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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