Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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