I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
