So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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