last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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