I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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