this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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