I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
