Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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