It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize