He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
