Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
