My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
