i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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