Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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