trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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