The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
