I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I lost the right to judge tonight
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
