Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
