he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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