I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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