I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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