phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize