You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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