I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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