okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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