Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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