You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
