I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
