"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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