You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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