Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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