remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
