i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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