Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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