dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
