My boss' voice literally gives me gas
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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