well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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