I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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