did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
