So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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