For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
