I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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